Journal of Faith: Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling Philippians 2:12

so the only difference between me and the worst person in the world is the fact that i have jesus and he has me. i know that i was created by god and therefore i donlt have to search for infamy. god created me and that makes me significant.  if i didn't know that my value then i would definitely be living a destructive life style. i have to remind myself every day how important god sees me to keep from making destructive decisions.  if it weren't for my realizatio that i matter because god created me to be somebody i would either drown myself in pride or pity. people either push to be recognized or they wallow in  invisibility. at least that is my experience with people. god created masterpieces when he made each of us. we did not do it for ourselves and we can not undo it.  we can only accept that jesus died so that we could live up to our intended greatness or not.  there is nothing wrong with pursuing the greatness within ourselves, but the bottom line is tha...

In the word God talks to me about seeking him first and keeping my focus on him and what he wants from me.  As a young woman who believes in doing things myself if I can, it is an extremely difficult lesson to allow God to do his work without me trying to reintroduce my plans.  The Lord said that he would keep me in perfect peace, give me the desires of my heart and add all the things that I need to live to me if I just focus on him.  These are promises (covenants) that God has made and I have seen him keep his promises, but as the stakes get higher and higher (Lord where should I live, who should I work with, what do I do about my baby) I get more and more tense and eager to take control of situations in my life.  I hear that still small voice of the holy spirit reminding me to be still and know that he is God. The broken down version; calm down girl, I've got it.   Anxiety has never done anything good for me. Adrenalin works for a little while, but I always pa...

I am currently writing a curriculum and praying that the Lord reveal to me what he wants people to know about who we are and who he is.  The other day as I was quieting myself to hear the voice of the Lord he said something to me that I had never heard before.  He told me that because we were made in his image (genesis 2) and he is love that deductively we are actually made in the image of love.  He created us to reflect and represent love.  When people see me they should see love, and when I see myself I should see love.  There are so many people in the world looking for love without realizing that we are looking for the part of ourselves that we are missing which can only be found in the Lord.  When sin entered the world our image was damaged, and everyone that came into the world after sin was affected. We are made in the image of love, but we are missing the full picture when we live out of relationship with love himself, God.  Jesus came to reesta...

I watched the movie Country Strong at the suggestion of my mother a while ago, and the themes and music of that movie have never left me.  It talked about not being afraid to love, it showed that people can come back from devestation, and it showed that being honest with yourself and everyone else creates a freedom that no lie can bring. It made statements about what home really is and the power that our decisions have on other people.  I love watching movies because God uses the foolish things of this world to shame the wise.  Sometimes it takes a movie for me to realize something that I God has been trying to tell me.  The idea in this movie is that you can either excuse yourself or exceed your circumstances.  The main character in this movie did both. She first exceeded her past failures and then excused herself from continuing her journey.  The only thing wrong with this picture is that it was missing Jesus.  Thing country strong woman ...

I went back to my students to visit them this week, and I sang with them about letting their light shine.  It is funny that while I am telling them about how important it is to let their lights shine the Lord has been telling me the same thing.  "Don't stunt yourself or hide who you are.  Be what I told you that you can be.  All things are possible for you."  This is what the Lord is telling me at every turn.  I was driving today and the message came on the radio. Shine.  I was reading my emails and got a message from my elder. Shine.  The words came out of my own mouth when I was singing with my students. Shine.  I find that whenever I am about to do something unusual I constantly second guess myself.  That is perfectly normal.  I am very aware of my fallability, but there is no point in second guessing the work that God has placed before me.  When God gives an assignment it is not impossible to complete if I rely on G...

I normally try to be encouraging or in some way edifying, but lately I have desperately been in need of edification.  My struggles have become so great that I literally could not breathe in my house yesterday.  I had to just walk out to try to get air and pray.  My life is so inconvenient for me that people even interrupt me when I am in prayer sometimes at home.  I became so frustrated yesterday that I couldn't stand to see anyone in my family any longer.  I had to walk out.  I have been experiencing this feeling that I have been forced into a certain position in my family where all their issues overflow onto me.  I feel like the executive assistant of my family, and I am totally incapable of taking care of my own issues.  It is also an added frustration that my family is unable to help me with any of my issues.  They can't help me.  All they can do is try to encourage me which falls short because they are in so much...

I am writing this contemplation with tears in my eyes.  I am crying for myself because I let go of something that I wanted so badly that I feel like a part of me went with it. Believe it or not I am relieved at this crying because there is only one other reason that I cry.  My other cry is for the broken heart of God.   I cry this cry when something has gone terribly wrong for someone else or when I have done wrong and I feel like I have hurt the heart of God.  I am very aware that God feels, and I desire so much to be close to the heart of God that I can not hurt him or see someone else that he loves huting without feeling sorrow.  When I cry for myself it is because I am pushing forward through obstacles, feeling the pressured hand of God on me, or I have lost the feeling of God's presence. All of these feelings draw me in closer to the heart of God.  They feel terrible, but they let me know that God desires something from me. ...