Journal of Faith: Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling Philippians 2:12

I have been thinking about marriage since I was 5 years old.  At first I thought God made us girls to get married to some handsome boy and have a family.  Then in my teen years I thought "you get married so you won't have to be alone."  This one stuck for quite a while, but when I think about it I can't see how being alone is worse than being stuck with someone who makes you miserable.  Then for a while I changed the question to what are the advantages of being married?  Sex is the more obvious plus, but what about companionship, children, and increased chance of survival.  A lot of people with children get divorced now for lack of these in the marriage, but quite honestly there are plenty of people having children outside of marriage, plenty of people finding companionship in other ways, and plenty of people who have found a way to not only survive but thrive as single individuals.  Even Paul in the Bible said it would be better to remain single when ...

Since my son has turned 18 months old I have encountered the all annoying habits of the terrible twos.  He loves to say "No!" and run away when I tell him to come; he especially likes to test the limits of where he can and can't go in the house.  He steps one toe out of line to see if I notice before "sneaking" away with a chuckle and that cute wobble run that babies do.  I am guessing it is at this point that most parents think "do I really want to go through this again with another child?"  I am particularly aware of my possibilities for children, or lack there of,  because I am single with no marriage prospects to speak of.  Do I want to do this again?  Will I even have the chance to? Is my son the only child I will have?  These are the questions that occasionally cross my mind.  Recently a co-worker heard of my difficult labor with my son, and asked me "you want to do that again?!" and amazingly I answered "Yes!" without hesitat...

While I am fully capable of doing a split and love a good banana split, I am talking  about the split shift that I am now working on my job.  I did everything that  I possibly could to avoid this shift, but alas I have failed miserably.  I now work a split shift 5 days a week.  You might  be thinking "her poor baby!" That is what I thought at first, but aparently as long as I nurse him during my split he is totally satisfied.  So in actuality I am saying "why me!"  to a certain extent.  I still am greatful to have a job with pleasant co-workers and NO WEEKENDS! My son happily waves "bye bye" as  I drag myself back to work every day.  Of course by the time I get to work I  have pumped myself up so that  I can smile at my students as they come into the building screaming.  Am I tired?  YOU BET!  Is it worth it?  I suppose so.  It feels good to know that I am supporting my family.  Of course it t...

His kisses are tender, his kisses are sweet. One little kiss from him makes me feel happy, although I always get more than one. He leaves his loving imprints on my cheeks, forehead, and lips. His kisses mean I love you,I missed you, and thank you. His kisses make me smile and my heart jump with joy. Although they often are accompanied by some drool, maybe a little suction,  I love them,those wonderful kisses from my baby boy.

I am not one of those people who likes the idea of working and raising children, but I am glad that I am working. I want to be able to support my little family, and take the burden off of my parents. I still think that being a stay at home mom is best for children, but we all have to eat. Plus I get some satisfaction from knowing that I am doing some good for others too. I work at a daycare. Hopefully my son will be able to come with me a few days a week. The job of mom is still the hardest and the best. So I guess I am working two jobs mom and teacher. Thank you Lord for giving me everything that I have needed. Keep trusting God moms, and see what amazing things he will do for you. =)

I know that I have talked about many of the other facets of my life, but I don't normally put too fine a point on the fact that I am single except as a single mother. This is because I try not to focus on that too much. I am not even bothered by the fact that this month is valentine's day. February is my favorite month because it is my birthday month! Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I am a trooper. I do everything that I can to make the best of my life situations, but it seems like my tough exterior doesn't protect me from my wide open heart. I am always wanting to let people in, and the ones who can hurt you most are the ones that you let in. Every guy who "loved me" hurt me and then told me that it couldn't be helped. The first guy decided to date someone close to me, and thought that it would be okay to continue to treat me like his girlfriend. This was after I told him I would not be physical with him. Go figure! The second guy lasted for ...

No I am not talking about a radio station. That was my son's temperature earlier this week when I took him to the hospital. He got a nasty cold that had his temperature so high that he was almost too hot for me to touch him. On the up side of this he was not in the usual misery that most babies are when they have running noses and high temperatures. He was a little lack-luster, but he was the happiest sick baby I have ever seen. I took him to the hospital and they pretty much told me that I was doing fine. I kept cool cloths on him,and I had Popsicles. I made sure to keep him up to date with his medicine. I was scared when I saw his temperature up that high because my youngest brother went into a seizure after his temperature got to 104 degrees. I had him drinking ice water, and I nursed him constantly. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. Of course I felt a little dumb when the nurses and doctors acted as if everything was fine. I was afraid for my son's l...

Okay so lately there has been this trend of women going natural with their hair. I was a bit ahead on this one because I began letting my hair go natural when I was 11 years old. When I first went natural people looked at me like I was committing some sort of sin, but now it's the thing to do. My hair is relatively happy in it's state,but it can be hard sometimes to try to find products that work well with my hair. I was reminded recently that my everything does best when I keep things as natural as possible. This includes my hair and skin. What does this mean for me? I am going back to the basics with a couple of additions. I am trying really hard not to use anything much on my body or in my hair that I can't ingest. I still will use hygiene items of course, but my choices in hair and skin oil will widely be olive oil or lotions whose ingredients I can pronounce without mentally returning to my high school chemistry class days. If what I really want in a product, such...

So upon my reflecting I feel that I need to do some adjusting for my current life stage. It is not spawned by anyone and it won't be hindered by anyone. It is just necessary. I love who God made me, and I am going to work with what he gave me. That means accepting who I am and applying it appropriately and as God allows. It is crazy when you have to find a way to be yourself, but it is reality. Everything that I am God allowed for me to be therefore everything that I am is necessary somehow for my purpose. I don't have to force anything. I just work it! This includes, but isn't limited to how I look, what I have learned, what I am passionate about, and how I love. Of course everything looks better when you polish it so this year I am laying it on. I am going to be smoother than ever or at least that is my goal. I will do my best to hold truth and mercy together in all situations, and I will show the love of Christ in everything that I do to the glory of God. The way that Go...

So, it is my birthday again. As the day got closer and closer I found myself wondering what it means to be my age. What are people doing when they are my age? My conclusion is that it doesn't matter. I get to choose what I want my age to mean. So on my personal new year I choose to be less controlling, but more responsible. I also am going to try to make more of my own decisions based on who I am verses who others say that I am. I will not feel bad about trying to be holy, but I will be more gracious toward myself and others. I will have fun on my own! I will keep up better with relationships, and I am going to create a wonderful life for myself and my son with God as the beginning the end and the in between.I will serve God as best I can, and I won't waste any talents or gifts. What do I want for my birthday?...A Job, and I have got my wish! THat's right I have a job!!!! The Lord is the best gift giver ever. What am I going to do for my birthday?...Give myself a...

My son is almost a year and a half now, and I average about 5 diapers a day. I have most likely changed more diapers than my estimation but I can't remember how many times I changed a diaper only to find a little present in it minutes later. I am counting diapers at this point because I am counting down to POTTY TRAINING ! By now most moms are probably feeling like I do. I don't want to change any more diapers! I tried potty training earlier and it didn't go so well so I decided to back off and try again later. Well... it's later and I really want to go for it. I got a book that explains the readiness cues for potty training and we are almost ready. My son can partially take off his diaper, he doesn't like to poop in wet diapers so he holds it until I change him, He can partially pull up his pants, and he is curious about the toilet (unfortunately not so much about the potty chair). We aren't quite ready yet, but we're almost there. Well got to go ...