Journal of Faith: Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling Philippians 2:12

Since my precious little boy began to walk, he's been whizzing through milestones at warp speed. First it was crawling, yes he jumped the gun a little bit, and then it was climbing up stairs. He is picking up skills and learning faster and faster. It is wonderful for him, but for me it is a bit of a nightmare with a thin Vail of pride. I am very proud of my little one, but I have to chase him down without a full nights sleep every night. I look like a wet washcloth trying to keep up with the little runner (yeah he runs now too). Just when I began to get a hold of myself and pull from the inner strength to resist giving up on being a good parent, the boy began to climbing over things. I could normally place his heavy toys around his play area as a blockade, but today he used his baby bed and his little tooshy to push climb and pull his way through. I was in shock at the sight. It took a few times of him doing it until I actually realized that no place was safe anymore. The chil...

Yes I am nursing again. I don't know how much longer I will be able to keep this up. Since my son is 12 months now the subject of weening has come up more than once. I could start weening, but I feel like I would be losing something if I did . I feel like if my son doesn't need me for nursing than it is the beginning of him not needing me anymore. I will be reduced to just another person in his life, no more important than anyone else. Of course I know a mother is always important in her children's lives, but I guess I will miss the personal time with me and him. No one else can do for him what I do for him, but once the nursing is gone anyone can do the exact things that I do for him. I don't want to be replaced! It doesn't help that his father's family said that I wouldn't be experiencing anything more than his father. I really resent that. I carried my son for nine months in my stomach and went through 30 hours of labor, but they think I am no more import...

Today has been a crazy day already. My mom has to be taken to the emergency room because she had a bad reaction to some medicine. I stay home with my brother and my son so anything that goes wrong I get to fix. As my parents are leaving my mom realizes that she forgot something just in time to need me to answer the door while I am nursing. My brother is in the shower so I am her only hope; we don't have a front door key. I make my decision and begin to stand up while nursing my son. I walk carefully over to the door to meet MY FATHER! Luckily I have the sense not to open the door all the way. He is able to get what he needs without scandalizing his eyes, and I am free to resume nursing. About two minutes after this my brother finishes his shower and realizes that he didn't bring any clean clothes into the bathroom with him. I of course have to come to the rescue again. My son is still bent on nursing so once again I make my way around the house looking for my brother's cle...

For his birthday my son got one of those rolling toys that acts like a vacuum only with the balls in it that pop when he walks with it. I didn't realize what I had done until he got his hands on it for the first time. He grabbed that handle and when he figured it out it looked like the world was completely different to him. If I take it away he cries, if he drops it while he is playing he cries, if he falls down while trying to back up with it he cries and balls up in the floor as if the world has ended because his play was interrupted by a moment of clumsiness . The first day he played with it he got so frustrated that he kept falling that he went into a crying fit on the floor. I tried to pick him up and console him a bit, but he got even more mad that I picked him up. I put him back down and then he cried because he was struggling to pick the toy back up. I helped him pick the toy up, and the system started all over again. From giddy to concentrated movement to inconsolable dev...

...At least in the spacial sense. I was going through all of my son's baby clothes and equipment to see what I could put in a family member's yard sale, and I almost has some sort of attack. I had two highchairs, one booster seat, three baby swings, two exercaucers , one bouncy seat, two play pins , and a mountain of clothes some of which were too big while others were too small. I get a hear ache just thinking about it now. I got some of his things over to the yard sale with some of my clothes that I thought I couldn't use, and waited for the good news. As it turns out only one of the items sold in the one day sale, and everything else came back to me. On top of this I ended up with some extra things because my son's father brought over some more toys for his birthday! I tried to get rid of a couple of things and ended up with more than I started with. All of this equipment has taken over the house, and I am now living in a playhouse with a few of my things in it. ...

Before I became a mother I used to think that women who sucked on their children's pacifiers and spit on their finger to wipe their children's smudges were gross. I still think its gross, but I can now be named among the guilty. I have sucked on my son's pacifiers, I have eaten his left over food, I have drunk his left over juice, and yes I wiped smudges by licking my finger and rubbing. When I became a mom my idea of gross quickly transformed. At first I tried to be the perfect sterile mom, and there is nothing wrong with that except for it doesn't always work when you are exhausted and low on supplies. After I realized that I had resorted to the gross ways that I intended to avoid, I consoled myself by saying, "Hey it is almost as if we are the same person anyway. My germs are his germs and they are better than someone else's germs." That was the beginning of the end for me. I was sucking on his pacifiers and bottles to clean them, and eating his lef...

Everyone has issues, but what do you do when the father of your child has issues that are crippling his ability to be a good parent? Do you cut him off and hope that he doesn't lash back or break down even though you know that it is a likelihood or do you try to train him effectively taking on another child and one who resents you? I have the misfortune of watching my son's father try to force our son to love him. It is really sad and occasionally stressful for the baby. I didn't realize it, but my son's father was holding him down when he cried for someone to pick him up. He was literally holding my baby's arms and legs down so that he could not get to his grandparents. I would just go to get shoes on or make a sandwich and the baby would cry a bit which I expected. What I didn't like was the hysteria in the baby's cry, and that apparently his father was trying to stop the baby from getting to anyone else. What do you do with this? His father is so despe...

Donnie McClurkin's I Will Trust You Lord I know that faith is easy when everything is going well But can you still believe in Me when your life's a living hell? And when all the things around you seem to quickly fade away There's just one thing I really want to know Will you let go? (I'll trust you, Lord) Will you stand on My word? (I'll trust you, Lord) Against all odds will you believe what I have said?(I'll trust You, Lord) What seems impossible ... (I'll trust You, Lord) Will you believe? (I'll trust You, Lord) Every promise that I made will you receive? (Yes, I will trust You, Lord) I know how bad it hurt you when that loved one's life came to an end And when they had to leave you, you said you'd never love again But will you trust that I can help you and I'll never turn away? Will you trust Me, child, no matter, come what may? What if it hurts? (I'll trust You, Lord) What if you cry? (I'll trust You, Lord) What if it doesn'...

This past week I prayed to the Lord to guide my steps and do his will with my situation concerning school. After my morning devotion I went to work getting everything settled so that I could take my fall semester of courses, but after all of my calls, emails, and research I realized that I wouldn't be able to take classes this semester at all. After a year out of school I try to go back and find out that I have to wait yet another semester!? This was not what I thought I had prayed for. Is it really the Lord's will that I not attend school after finishing three years of college? I have banks calling me about my school loans! I took classes this summer at a school near my home with the approval of my school, and the understanding was that they could be transferred to my school, but the financial department didn't know that I was taking classes from home. I got zero financial aid, and now I can't continue my classes until I pay for my summer courses. I have to fill out e...

; Five Tips For Traveling With Children By: Whether you're planning a few hours' drive to Grandma's house, or an overseas flight to your dream destination, traveling with your children can be both a rewarding and a worrisome experience. There are things that you can do to ensure that both your teen who doesn't want to be seen with you and your toddler on the verge of a major tantrum become more agreeable, cheerful traveling companions. 1.) Pack the drugs - It's a good idea to be prepared for any and every medical emergency you might face while traveling, especially where children are concerned. A children's or junior strength pain reliever (whatever you prefer) should be first on your list. Make sure you get the kind that are chewable, or that melt in the mouth. Even teens can have a hard time swallowing medication if no water is available. An over-the-counter allergy med is also a good choice, as traveling can be hard on little sinuses and their sen...

Yesterday was my son's birthday, and I took him to play at a Gymboree class. There were toys to play with, things to climb on and a wonderful instructor who facilitated the activities. I almost wanted to leave my baby behind and go play myself! They worked with things that engaged his large and small motor skills, taught cause and effect, and he got to play around other children. It took him a while to warm up to the place, but by the time we left he was ready to stay . They even have this doll called Gymbo the clown, boo for clowns, who lets the kids know when it is time to go. The whole experience was so wonderful; I am considering taking my son back. I generally think clowns are creepy, but I will take Gymbo to get Gymboree . I am trying to get out more, and do fun activities with the baby. It gets hard sometimes when you are tired and everything you need is so much more easily available at home. Who wants to drag a stroller and huge baby bag around with a fussy baby? The re...

When he is awake he is so independent so lively so fast so strong so curious so adventurous so busy, but when he sleeps at night he is so peaceful so pleasant so content so regal so gentle so innocent so picture perfect a present from God. I look at him and I see the little boy I always knew he could be, my little angel .

I was told that by 6 months old or so my son should be effectively sleeping through the night. Well, Tomorrow is his first birthday and he has already woken up twice...make that three times because he woke up while I was writing this! I really miss sleeping and I want my little one to get sleep too. He wakes up every two or three hours to nurse. I try to get him to go back to sleep, but a baby who is standing up and pulling on the side of his crib isn't going back to sleep easily. I sing, swing, shush , and attempt to swaddle, but he won't have any of it. Sometimes I let him cry his way back to sleep, but it only last for about a half hour before he reawakens more determined than before. The screaming wears on my nerves and the lack of sleep is wearing on my days. Some days I think "This is it. This is my life now. I will never feel rested again, and I will never be fully alert again." I expected to lose sleep when I found out I was pregnant. I expected to be tired, b...

So over the past couple of months I have noticed that my precious little boy has been playing games and laughing at people. Not with people, but at them. He acts like he can't understand them, and when they turn around he does what they wanted. When they turn back around he acts like nothing happened. He also likes to sneak up on people when they turn around and touch them followed by running away when they turn around. He even does slight of hand or more like speed of hand. My family and I were playing monopoly and my son grabbed sixty dollars off the board right in front of us all. It was so fast that we were all stunned for about 10 seconds. I am not even sure I saw his hand reach for the money! I ask you, is an 11 month old suppose to do these things? He also likes to pinch nipples while whizzing by with the added clicking sound as if to say "got another one." He pretends to give people things and then snatches it back when they reach for them with a laugh. About thi...

I was halfway through my third year of undergrad when I got pregnant. I actually think the timing could have been worse because if I had been any younger I probably would have given up on school. There is no way I am doing that with three of my four years of college finished and over $60000 spent on me getting a degree. A tricky part about my finishing is that I went to a private christian university that is out of state, and I didn't want to lose my ministry major or credits. My administration was an answer to prayer because they approved me to finish my classes out of residency. Here comes the kicker, I am stuck because my financial aid fell through! Of course the solution to this is getting a job, but that is much more easily said than done. Have you seen the commercial where the guy talks about the ugly cycle of joblessness? "I can't get a job because I don't have skills, don't have skills because I didn't go to college, didn't go to college because I d...

Today my son's father came over to visit him. Every time he asks to come over I say yes, but I feel like something is going to go wrong. I fell in love with a schemer, and our ended relationship didn't end who he was. I feel like he is always trying to get something our of situations, like he is biding his time until he can get what he wants. He smiles, he compliments, he even apologizes and attempts to make things right until he has what he wants in his grasp. Most of the people around me said that I should do whatever it took to make sure that my son had his father, but they were looking at statistics not at my son and not at his father. I want to believe that my son's father is growing up. I want to believe that he has seen that everything should be focused towards what is best for the baby. I want to believe that he has chosen to do what is right rather than whatever will make his parents happy and give him comfort. I want to believe all of these things, and I have give...

I can't believe how quickly babies grow and learn. I remember when my son was born and all he could do was lift his head and cry. I thought he was a little genius then. Now he says words, crawls, walks, and understands a good deal of what other people say. He even eats food with his six teeth! Next week he will be one year old, and I am amazed at how far we have come. His little personality shines through more and more every day. He knows what he likes and he rejects what he doesn't like. It is amazing how babies are just little men and women. They think, they have opinions and preferences, and they make decisions. My son frowns if he doesn't like something and this includes clothes. He has his own style separate from mommy. He even prefers playing with big people toys like telephones, remotes, and vacuums . Why do I have baby toys all over my home when he won't play with them? Oh well, I was never guaranteed a child that would embrace babyhood. I guess nature gave me ...

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Okay so maybe he was just getting some blood work , but that is how I felt today when I took him to the hospital for a routine health check. Can you remember when you had to hold down your child while a shot was being administered or blood was being taken? Horrifying memory isn't it? I wanted to snatch my son away and give everyone in that hospital a stern talking to about how evil they all were for stabbing innocent babies. Of course I didn't. I just held my crying son and assured him, and myself, that it was all for the best. I tried to remember how much it hurt when I got blood taken, and it didn't hurt much. I figured most of the crying was because his feelings were hurt. Wait a minute, I hate hurting my sons feelings too! What if my son thinks I betrayed him by letting those nurses hurt him? I am just glad that it is over, except that it isn't over. There will be many times in every mother's life where she will have to do things or allow things that will hurt ...

"Be informed and be ready but don't move until I send for you" life says with a little chuckle. Sometimes I get tired of waiting for my life to move forward. At some point we are all employed as waiters to our own lives. We are stuck waiting and biting our tongues while life sits holding our future cavalierly in its hands. A good waiter stands ready and anticipates the desires and needs of his/her customers. The waiter listens well, moves quickly, and observes everything while awaiting a request. He/She is polite and respectful as well, completely unaffected by his/her surroundings except to note, and prepare for, potential problems. Waiters can't afford to daydream lest they forget their ultimate purpose and become inefficient or completely obsolete. The state of waiting is standing ready for the next action. For anyone who is anxious for life to begin I say develop your waiting abilities. Practice listening, prepare for anything, and show grace especially when thi...