Dealing with Damaged Dad Syndrome

Everyone has issues, but what do you do when the father of your child has issues that are crippling his ability to be a good parent? Do you cut him off and hope that he doesn't lash back or break down even though you know that it is a likelihood or do you try to train him effectively taking on another child and one who resents you? I have the misfortune of watching my son's father try to force our son to love him. It is really sad and occasionally stressful for the baby. I didn't realize it, but my son's father was holding him down when he cried for someone to pick him up. He was literally holding my baby's arms and legs down so that he could not get to his grandparents. I would just go to get shoes on or make a sandwich and the baby would cry a bit which I expected. What I didn't like was the hysteria in the baby's cry, and that apparently his father was trying to stop the baby from getting to anyone else. What do you do with this? His father is so desperate to be loved that he is attempting to force his son to prefer him over his mother and his grandparents who are helping to raise him. I felt so bad when I found out. My son probably felt like I abandoned him and left him with a torturer. I was breaking my son's trust. How do I fix this? His father would probably deny what he was doing or try to justify it. I have tried to tell him to get some help for his issues with his history with his family because it hinders him from being who he could be, but he is so beaten down and prideful that he won't go get help. He isn't a mental case, but he is damaged in a way that reflects in how he deals with other people. He doesn't even see what he is doing to his son. At the same time he does play with our son well and I can tell that he is trying to do something right. How do I tell the schemes, from the flaws, from the real caring? Chris needs a father, but I am wondering if he needs his father. I am really wondering if these visits from daddy are even about the baby. I don't want to sacrifice my son for the sake of his father, but I don't want to do his father wrong. Damaged Daddy Syndrome is no fun at all.

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