The Struggle of the Relationship
I thank God that I am at a place in my life when I can feel God on me. In moments when I am praying or reading my Bible or in worship, I get an actual feeling on my skin like a wind is blowing on me from inside. I know that it's God because it doesn't happen at any other time then when God is trying to get my attention. No one will ever be able to tell me that God isn't real. It's not something that I made up in my head or created out of my own desire to have an experience with the divine. All I can tell you is that it happens every time I call out to the Lord no matter where or when or how I reach out. This relationship that Christians say they have with God through Jesus is REAL. That being said my relationship with the Lord has had some struggles throughout my life and continue to have them as I realize the parts of me that are in opposition of him.
My biggest struggle lately has been with asking God questions that he has already answered. Our conversation goes something like this:
me-"Hey God, what's next?" God-"turn right here." me-"Are you sure?" God- "turn here." me- "I'm just saying because if I make this turn then I can't go back."
God -"turn here" me - "It's just that I am not too comfortable with this. It doesn't feel right." God - "Turn here."
I would rather have God repeat himself then for him not to talk to me so I'm grateful. It annoys me to not understand what God's plan is, but I am trying to rely on knowing God's heart. It gets hard for me to believe sometimes because I have no examples of his kind of love for me in anyone. Not a parent, not a friend or companion, not my son, and not even me! Our love is so broken in this world that it gets really hard to engage in this relationship with God through Jesus where we can trust anything that he says concerning us. This is my struggle. I've heard that our ministry is often times the result of our struggles. I think this is why I have such a desire to show love. Unfortunately my love is just as broken as anyone else's love. I only pray that the Lord will love through me because I can't love right on my own. I need to start by loving God better. I've also heard it said that delayed obedience is disobedience, and God says in John 14:15 "if you love me, keep my commandments." This is the struggle of my relationship with the Lord; it is a struggle with my love. Not him, it's me. I did say that this Christianity thing is a relationship, right. I was not joking. If you really want to change your life, get into relationship with Jesus. The only down side of it is that if there is something wrong in the relationship, the problem is definitely with you. Are you ready for the humbling experience?
My biggest struggle lately has been with asking God questions that he has already answered. Our conversation goes something like this:
me-"Hey God, what's next?" God-"turn right here." me-"Are you sure?" God- "turn here." me- "I'm just saying because if I make this turn then I can't go back."
God -"turn here" me - "It's just that I am not too comfortable with this. It doesn't feel right." God - "Turn here."
I would rather have God repeat himself then for him not to talk to me so I'm grateful. It annoys me to not understand what God's plan is, but I am trying to rely on knowing God's heart. It gets hard for me to believe sometimes because I have no examples of his kind of love for me in anyone. Not a parent, not a friend or companion, not my son, and not even me! Our love is so broken in this world that it gets really hard to engage in this relationship with God through Jesus where we can trust anything that he says concerning us. This is my struggle. I've heard that our ministry is often times the result of our struggles. I think this is why I have such a desire to show love. Unfortunately my love is just as broken as anyone else's love. I only pray that the Lord will love through me because I can't love right on my own. I need to start by loving God better. I've also heard it said that delayed obedience is disobedience, and God says in John 14:15 "if you love me, keep my commandments." This is the struggle of my relationship with the Lord; it is a struggle with my love. Not him, it's me. I did say that this Christianity thing is a relationship, right. I was not joking. If you really want to change your life, get into relationship with Jesus. The only down side of it is that if there is something wrong in the relationship, the problem is definitely with you. Are you ready for the humbling experience?
Comments
Post a Comment