I Just Had to Tell Someone

I am so overwhelmed today with God's loving care for me.  I am so grateful, and I had to tell someone because God gave me a revelation about myself.  Today I had the privilege of receiving my two nieces for a sleepover.  I always get excited to see them, but when they arrived they were coughing and drippy.  I thought to myself, "didn't their mom say they weren't sick just yesterday?" I readied myself for what I knew would be a germy and unpleasant visit.  I pulled out the medicines and the blankets and I put on a pot of tea.  By the end of the day my son was coughing too, although I suspect they are sympathetic rather than symptomatic.  Three little coughers laid down to sleep in my room.  One began to cough so badly that the medicine I gave her reappeared on my sleeve, but with the help of grandma she was able to get back to sleep. Not long after that her little sister began to cough in her sleep to the point where she brought back up all of her dinner on my comforter and my pillow as well as her clothes.  I worked quickly to clean up the mess and get her comfortable for sleep, but the smell was so rank that I was struggling to keep my dinner down while I cleaned around her and her sister who was finally asleep.  Thankfully I had another blanket under the comforter and another pillow case under the soiled one.  I adjusted both girls so that they had blankets all while trying not to wake my son who called my name twice in his sleep.  After this I went to sleep  satisfied that the drama of the evening was over when I smelled urine.  The sleeping sister had wet herself while I was cleaning up after the baby girl. After washing her and changing her clothes, I told her that everything was okay and I loved her.  She smiled that beautiful smile and said she loved me too.  After this I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, and just as I began to reach for the complaint down in my heart something amazing happened.  My frustration and disgust turned into gratefulness. 

      I am grateful that I was given the opportunity by God to practice being a mother of three.  I got to hold two children in my lap while looking over at another who was sleeping. I got to minister to sick children who needed to know that I wasn't going to be upset with them for throwing up on me or coughing in my face or even wetting my bed.  I got to share myself with them and allowed them to be weak in my arms.  I got to cuddle my son and whisper in his ear that he is forever my firstborn and my favorite boy in the world.  I got to listen to preaching with my son when he didn't want to go to sleep.  I got to rub my baby nieces back when she couldn't fall back asleep and tell her how beautiful and smart and wonderful she was.  Even now early in this new day with almost no sleep, I am grateful to tell my early riser that her coloring is wonderful and I'm so proud of her. 

Last night/ this morning I got the overwhelming feeling that I was right where I should be and doing exactly what I was made to do.  Anyone who knows me well, knows that I want to have more children, but I felt a heavy sense of gratefulness for where I am right now.  If I did nothing else but love on my son and my nieces and whoever else God places in my reach I would praise God for the opportunity to love.  Love isn't dopey looks and sweet notes; it's not stolen kisses and caresses.  Love is being able to be there no matter what.  Love is sacrificing your comfort to enrich someone else, it's laying down your life for your friend.  I am so overjoyed to have been able to love, to have my arms full. 
      God showed me my heart this morning/last night.  I want more children for sure, and I would do this again every night if it meant that my arms would be full.  I was so overwhelmed with the revelation that my highest craving and passion in this life is to have my arms full. I cried this morning, not in sadness but in gratefulness to God that I get to be a mother and I get to love on my nieces and I get the feeling that God is telling me that I will have more children.  If not, then I still have the privilege to pretend every now and again to be a mother of three when my nieces visit.  The ministry of family is my deepest passion and my greatest reward.  God has blessed me and has steadied my heart in a time when I wasn't sure if it was okay to want what I wanted.  God has made me bold in declaring that above all else, I want to be a Christian wife and mother declaring to my children to follow me as I follow Christ.  Greater glory to God if someone else were to see and follow along as well.  My prayer today is one of expectation and gratefulness.  Thank you Lord for my full arms.  He showed me myself and brought clarity to my visions for my future.  I feel like I woman whose been to the well and received the word of God.  Come see a man that has told me everything I ever did and will do.  Surely this is the messiah.  Thank you Jesus