Journal of Faith: Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling Philippians 2:12

That is right folks, my little brother,20, is getting married next month.  He and his girlfriend were planning to get married later, but they moved it up to next month.  Am I happy for them...I don't know.  I think that it takes a certain level of maturity to make a marriage last at any age, but with them being so young I worry a little.  I love them both, and I want everything to work out wonderful for them.  I just want them to be smart about things. Now that the practical big sister statements are out of the way, I really need to get to the part where I am very much an adult and not married.  When I found out that my brother was getting married I was shockingly angry at myself, at  my situation, and at my son's father.  How could he be the one getting married after how hard I worked to do things the right way, sometimes unsuccessfully but still.  I didn't get married when  I got pregnant because I didn't want to make things worse by...

I am helping my one year  old to gain his independence, but it seems he just wants to nurse more and more.  The cold turkey method is not really working for us.  He is so determined to nurse that I can barely hold him any more.  This strong child immediately tries to nurse every time he sees me.  I pretend that I don't remember how to nurse, and he goes to great lengths to remind me how it's done.  He walks me to his room, closes the door tells me to sit on the bed, climbs up, and proceeds to angle himself for nursing while pulling at my clothes and saying something that resembles "I want this."  I then say "huh?" and act as if I don't understand him.  This is followed by crying and scratching and more crying and more "I want this!"  I try to go get him food or something to drink, but he is so determined that he swipes all of that away.  I've got the carpet stains to prove it.  He even went so far as to climb into our rocking chair,...

Over the last few years I have been in transition between being an adult and being my parents' daughter.  To hold both of these roles in balance is difficult and takes a lot of careful decision making and prayer.  It has been hard especially since I have a little family of my own now, but  I think I have figured things out relatively well for right now.  When I am at odds with my family over a decision I remember what the Bible says "honor your  your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the face of the earth" and "children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right".  When you are a kid it sounds like something that your parents say to shut you up, but in reality it is a formula for getting along with your parents.  I have to honor my parents even when  I disagree.  If it doesn't kill me or dishonor God to go along with what my parents' are saying than I do it.  Of course this is easier said than done because I am ...

So in the beginning I really was not a fan of the split shift, but I am starting to turn the corner on the issue.  I work in the morning, grab a coffee before taking the bus back home, get to play with my son and relax for about 3 hours, and then go back to work for the rest of the day.  It is actually kind of nice.  By the time I get that "wow is work over yet?" feeling it really is almost over!  It is like I get a 3 hour lunch break, and who doesn't love an extra long lunch break.  The week seems to go by pretty quickly too.  I can't believe that it is already Thursday.  Another week is almost down, and I have now worked a month.  I guess it is mostly about finding a routine that makes work difficult, but now I have found it as well as a satisfaction with the splits.  Has anyone seen Star Spangled Rhythm?  I am feeling the need burst into song "On the line with my baby on the [split] shift. Life's just fine with my baby on the [split] ...

I have been thinking about marriage since I was 5 years old.  At first I thought God made us girls to get married to some handsome boy and have a family.  Then in my teen years I thought "you get married so you won't have to be alone."  This one stuck for quite a while, but when I think about it I can't see how being alone is worse than being stuck with someone who makes you miserable.  Then for a while I changed the question to what are the advantages of being married?  Sex is the more obvious plus, but what about companionship, children, and increased chance of survival.  A lot of people with children get divorced now for lack of these in the marriage, but quite honestly there are plenty of people having children outside of marriage, plenty of people finding companionship in other ways, and plenty of people who have found a way to not only survive but thrive as single individuals.  Even Paul in the Bible said it would be better to remain single when ...

Since my son has turned 18 months old I have encountered the all annoying habits of the terrible twos.  He loves to say "No!" and run away when I tell him to come; he especially likes to test the limits of where he can and can't go in the house.  He steps one toe out of line to see if I notice before "sneaking" away with a chuckle and that cute wobble run that babies do.  I am guessing it is at this point that most parents think "do I really want to go through this again with another child?"  I am particularly aware of my possibilities for children, or lack there of,  because I am single with no marriage prospects to speak of.  Do I want to do this again?  Will I even have the chance to? Is my son the only child I will have?  These are the questions that occasionally cross my mind.  Recently a co-worker heard of my difficult labor with my son, and asked me "you want to do that again?!" and amazingly I answered "Yes!" without hesitat...

While I am fully capable of doing a split and love a good banana split, I am talking  about the split shift that I am now working on my job.  I did everything that  I possibly could to avoid this shift, but alas I have failed miserably.  I now work a split shift 5 days a week.  You might  be thinking "her poor baby!" That is what I thought at first, but aparently as long as I nurse him during my split he is totally satisfied.  So in actuality I am saying "why me!"  to a certain extent.  I still am greatful to have a job with pleasant co-workers and NO WEEKENDS! My son happily waves "bye bye" as  I drag myself back to work every day.  Of course by the time I get to work I  have pumped myself up so that  I can smile at my students as they come into the building screaming.  Am I tired?  YOU BET!  Is it worth it?  I suppose so.  It feels good to know that I am supporting my family.  Of course it t...