What do you do when your younger sibling is getting married and you are as single as the day you had your son!?

That is right folks, my little brother,20, is getting married next month.  He and his girlfriend were planning to get married later, but they moved it up to next month.  Am I happy for them...I don't know.  I think that it takes a certain level of maturity to make a marriage last at any age, but with them being so young I worry a little.  I love them both, and I want everything to work out wonderful for them.  I just want them to be smart about things.

Now that the practical big sister statements are out of the way, I really need to get to the part where I am very much an adult and not married.  When I found out that my brother was getting married I was shockingly angry at myself, at  my situation, and at my son's father.  How could he be the one getting married after how hard I worked to do things the right way, sometimes unsuccessfully but still.  I didn't get married when  I got pregnant because I didn't want to make things worse by having a child in the middle of a bad marriage.  I continued to work towards finishing school, and trying to understand what my life was becoming. I wanted to be ready to be a good mother and wife.  I also didn't want to rush a young man into marriage who wasn't ready.  All of that aside I really wanted to get married, and I still do now.  I have my head on straight, I have a decent job, I am nurturing my relationships with God, my family, and the world around me, and I am prepared to deal with the reality that marriage is not some ideal fairy tale or some passionate soap opera.  I am ready to deal with real life marriage, but wait ...I am not the one getting married.  Most of the people that I know now are married or on their way to getting married, and now my brother has been added to the list.

Okay,  enough of the jealous/winey talk. I know that God has a plan for me as well as my brother and his plans are full proof. I wonder how many of my acquaintances look at me and think "why couldn't I just have stayed single."  I suppose for now  I will just have to enjoy the greenery on my side of the fence. I just don't want to be that woman that people look at and say "What's wrong with her?  I thought she would be married by now."  I am trying not to think that way myself, and  I don't need anyone else saying it.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

5 things that could keep you from getting so angry

So I find that there are certain things that when done make for a much better day than when I don't do them.  As a single mom sometimes it gets hard to do these and then everything seems to be a bigger ordeal for me. Lord help me to do better with that.  I would tell you don't judge me, but I know you are going to do it anyway so I will say please be gracious toward me.  1.  Start the snowball of positive thinking : For me this means prayers of thanks, reading my Bible, listening to positive music, writing a letter to God or to myself, even watching some Veggie Tales (what do you know about those Veggies?)  with my son sometimes.   The reality is there is enough negative that comes at me; why would I invite anything other than a flood of positive truth into my mind and my life? This is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it...or else!!!  haha just kidding (sort of) 2.  Wash up!: Remember when I said be gracious?...
Read more

Mr. Sandman Where are you?

I was told that by 6 months old or so my son should be effectively sleeping through the night. Well, Tomorrow is his first birthday and he has already woken up twice...make that three times because he woke up while I was writing this! I really miss sleeping and I want my little one to get sleep too. He wakes up every two or three hours to nurse. I try to get him to go back to sleep, but a baby who is standing up and pulling on the side of his crib isn't going back to sleep easily. I sing, swing, shush , and attempt to swaddle, but he won't have any of it. Sometimes I let him cry his way back to sleep, but it only last for about a half hour before he reawakens more determined than before. The screaming wears on my nerves and the lack of sleep is wearing on my days. Some days I think "This is it. This is my life now. I will never feel rested again, and I will never be fully alert again." I expected to lose sleep when I found out I was pregnant. I expected to be tired, b...
Read more

I have a dream

I used to dream all the time that I was witnessing to people.  People would ask me questions and I would begin to speak about the goodness of the Lord, and how Jesus was the solution to all of their problems or desires.  I feel anointed to be having those dreams again.  Maybe someone needs these words.  I talk about my journey of faith, but maybe you haven't begun that journey yet so let me tell you about Jesus.  Jesus is the Christ, the savior of the world, the messiah, the only begotten son of God.  Jesus is God in humanity. He came down to earth, lived a human life, did miraculous things to show people who he was and how much he loved them.  Jesus felt every human emotion that any of us have ever felt. Jesus taught us how to live as people of God.  Then he died so that we wouldn't have to be separated from him anymore.   You see sin separates us from God because he is holy.  We all have sinned therefore we all should be separated fro...
Read more