The cost of love

Two things that I should have gotten as baby gifts were a balance book and a death certificate. The balance book to show me how much a baby costs financially and a death certificate to show the cost physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, pretty much every way besides financially. I knew that my life would be hard when I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly. First of all it meant that my actions against my body had produced undeniable evidence that I would be judged on, secondly as a junior in college it meant that my degree was put in danger along with my future, and thirdly it meant that my life as I knew it was over. I knew I was in for one of the biggest changes of my life. I read books, checked with doctors and mediators, asked other family members, watched the videos, and hung out with other pregnant people. I thought I knew what to expect, after all I had the book, but nothing could have prepared me fully for what I was about to experience. When my son was born he wanted to nurse every hour during the day and night. This lasted for about two months then he changed to wanting to nurse every two hours which is still happening and he is almost a year old. My body officially belonged to him in his mind, and my mind couldn't keep up because I was too tired. I developed aches after the birth that I couldn't describe and twinges in places where I didn't think they could go. There are still times when it seems like everything in my body hurts without explanation, and I know that I have lost some brain cells for sure. These are just some of the hidden costs after insurance, food, clothes, toys, bedding, and safety precautions.
Before I had my son my life was wonderfully set on the path to sure success and esteem. My life is still on the path, but now the roads are rough and I am having to carry my son with me. Guys used to stay away from me because they felt unworthy, but now guys avoid me because I am a "ready made family." I used to spend my days talking about the Lord with my fellow Christians, but now I feel like I am spending most of my time apologizing for my mistakes and discouraging others from going down the road of lasciviousness. I used to make plans with family or friends and not worry, but now I rush out of the house to shop in between my son's feedings if I go out at all. I did sports in school, but now I can't even sit down to watch a game of any kind. This is the cost that makes you want to scream, cry, and run for your life. The loss of money seems like nothing compared to this.Believe it or not my life is pretty great! My life may not be anything like what I thought it would be, but for new life to form something has to die. When you become a parent your life as you know it is over; the old you is dead. Accept the death certificate because a new life is being formed in you and for you. The interesting thing is that by dying for your children, you are showing the greatest love that a human being can show. No greater love hath a man than to lay down his life for his friends. In order to be a good parent to some degree, not completely, you have to lay down your life. So what is the ultimate cost of having a child? The ultimate cost is love. It is the choice that we make to put our childrens' needs before our desires. We pour ourselves out for our precious little ones and hopefully they grow to be beautiful people from the inside out. Love on mothers love on.