I prefer to be crazy!!!

When I was in grade school everyone acted as if I was crazy because I couldn't stand to see injustice, and I would stand up to bullies who were torturing students. I was a girl, but I was a tough girl who would fight , sometimes literally, for what I thought was right. The boys were afraid of me and the girls thought I was odd, but most people respected me. I was mostly a really nice girl, but if my temper flared up I was dangerous to the one who caused it. I didn't go along with the culture's rules of being cool and accepted. I wanted to do what was right, and I wanted the bad kids to pay. I had momentary lapses of this, but I was mostly an outcast by choice. On top of this I was an overachiever and adventurer. I got good grades, played the violin well, sang well, and played sports well. Unlike most black families in my school, my family travelled the country and Canada on vacations every couple of years. I didn't dance, I didn't listen to the same music as other students, and I talked about God often. I was an alien, and just about everyone treated me this way. The thought of having a boyfriend was a distant dream. In 8Th grade a german student decided he liked me, but he resorted to sexual assault, and most other boys stayed away because they were either scared of or uninterested in a girl as tough and straight laced as I was. My only real boyfriend of four years turned out to be someone who didn't fit into who I was at all. I lowered my standard so that he would want to stay with me, and he is now my ex-boyfriend and the father of my son. My efforts were a complete failure. People told me my standards were too high, and I believed them to the point of permanently damaging my existence as well as someone else's. Lowering standards doesn't work when the standards are what they are suppose to be. So, as a single young mother and christian I have chosen to hold my standards in spite of my obvious baggage. Some people think I am crazy, but I would rather be crazy than living beneath who I am suppose to be. I am not doing anyone favors by lying about who I am or by lying about the type of person I want in my life. I will wait forever if I have to, but I will not settle for whatever I can get. My son and I deserve better than that, and so does everyone else in this world.

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