Can I Still Do What I Was Going to Do Since I Had My Son?

This is probably a question that many young mothers have whether they are single or not. When I realized that my son's everything depended solely on me and the kindness of others, I saw the future that I started to build for myself fading away. I planned to get my degrees in Ministry and Communications and work with those to create a more solid connection between ministries and the world. I wanted to work with crisis organizations and radio stations to connect people with safe places to go where they could get help, advice, protection, and unconditional love. I wanted a family, and by family I meant a husband followed by children. I thought I was ready to jump full force into the work that the Lord had for me. I wanted to pull all of the good that I could from the church to help the world in a way where people would accept it even if they had been burned by the church before. I wanted the church to see that they really can make a difference if they work within their purpose and the will of God. The world needs the love of God and the wisdom of God more than ever, and I wanted to find a way to get it to them.

Instead of any of that I am currently still trying to get back into school, unemployed, and I am in counseling with my son's father to decide whether or not I would be a fool to marry him. I still want all of the things I wanted before for my life, but I can't see how they are going to happen. I feel like because I chose one thing that I wanted (sex) over what God wanted for me, now I can't have anything that I want. I feel like what I want doesn't matter anymore, and I am doomed to be unhappy.

I talked with my mother/best friend about it, and she told me that maybe I am just wanting the wrong things. This is a matter of the heart. I know that she is probably right, but I really hate the idea that my heart isn't right when I just want my life to be in order again and to get on with what the Lord wants me to do. I want stability, and yes I love my son's father even after all of the drama. Am I wrong for loving him?

My only comfort is this: that he which began a good work in me will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

So I guess my answer is that God will continue to do his good works in me.

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