If you're single and you know it clap your hands!!!

I know that I have talked about many of the other facets of my life, but I don't normally put too fine a point on the fact that I am single except as a single mother. This is because I try not to focus on that too much. I am not even bothered by the fact that this month is valentine's day. February is my favorite month because it is my birthday month! Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I am a trooper. I do everything that I can to make the best of my life situations, but it seems like my tough exterior doesn't protect me from my wide open heart. I am always wanting to let people in, and the ones who can hurt you most are the ones that you let in.

Every guy who "loved me" hurt me and then told me that it couldn't be helped. The first guy decided to date someone close to me, and thought that it would be okay to continue to treat me like his girlfriend. This was after I told him I would not be physical with him. Go figure! The second guy lasted for years and I was sexually active with him for a while, but we broke up because I was becoming someone who was displeasing to God. We ended up having my son, and life just got worse for us from there. I still love him, but he doesn't want to be married. The third guy was a long time family friend. We knew each other from birth. He told me we were friends for life, and then he never spoke to me again after I told him about my son. We never even dated.

Here is where I went wrong:
1. Being over eager to date
2. trying to date a stalker/over eager senior my freshman year
3. trying to make someone grow up
4. disobeying God in several respects
5. having sex because he loved me
6. continuing to have sex because I thought we'd get MARRIED
7. trying to be someone else's conscience
8. trying to plug one guy into another's spot
9. claiming a fair weather friend as my best friend
10.not listening to wisdom or using good common sense


It is amazing to me how some of these men still hurt me. They trample me with their words or without them, and they seem not to care except to feel sorry for themselves. The worst part is that I don't get mad, I get hurt. I cry, and they leave a tattered mess behind them. Of course I hold the mess together pretty well most of the time with the Lord's help. Every time they later present a backwards apology where they blame me, or otherwise claim that it isn't their fault if they even bother to apologize at all. I know God said to love your enemies, but I've gotten my scars from friends.

one of them struck me again recently. I was trying to encourage a friend who has been going through some tough things, and in return he blasted me publicly. I cried to myself as I hugged my son close and let him know that it wasn't his fault that I was crying. When you live in close proximity with a child you don't have the luxury of crying in private, and I heard also that it is important to let your children know that you have emotions just like them. This "friend" possibly doesn't even know what he did to me or that I saw what he said. He can be so heartless.

Did I mention I have trust issues? All of this is why I am single.

Comments

  1. UnknownFebruary 11, 2010 at 2:05 AM

    This is personal as well as, as someone dear to me once put it, "quivering with unapologetic truth." I am RIGHT there with you. For real. With me though, even more than trust issues, I have control issues that I try to keep secret. I need to explain to you my "lunchbox theory." On our next extended facebook chat, or even on some so-called "Gina Day," I'm gonna try to remember to tell you. You will relate indefinitely.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownFebruary 11, 2010 at 2:05 AM

    Oh yeah- *clap clap!!* lol I'm single and I KNOW it lol

    ReplyDelete

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