I wasn't absorbing the chapter book so God gave me a picture book instead.

Not too many people understand the way I approach my life or my dependence on God for my understanding of who I am.  People don't even try to know me anymore.  I have opened my heart to people many times and have been left hanging. All I wanted was connectedness and friendship.  I always felt like it was because they thought I wasn't good enough for them, but the Lord gave me a revelation that it was the Jesus in me that they were rejecting.  It has made me feel a lot better about myself.  The Lord has been telling me this for year, but since I was too dense to appreciate it in words, The Bible or spoken words of encouragement from others, God sent me a picture.  First I got a picture from my perspective people approaching me with my arms open and then changing their minds, turning up their noses and looking down on me.  In this picture I was all shriveled up and needy and they were high and mighty.  Then God gave me a reset, and showed the picture from another perspective.  I was bright and clean and I still had my hands out to them and I did have a certain urgency to want to love on them, but they were shriveled up and dirty and they turned away at the bright lights.  At a closer look I saw that they weren't seeing me but Jesus.  This was an amazing moment for me as well as a sad one, but in a new way. I am not sad for myself anymore but for the people who don't realize that they can be made clean too.  I love how God is drawing me closer in to him so that I can better understand who he is and who I am.

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