It's easy to be angry.

As a young single mother it is easy for me to be angry because my son's father is out living his life while it seems that it would take a private investigator to find mine.  I don't think that I have really ever been mad about that.  I made a choice, and I have to live with that.  What I finally realize I am so upset about is the fact that a young woman who gets pregnant and then marries seems to get the royale treatment.  Baby showers, money, excitement, blessings galore. I feel like I tried to make a wise decision in the face of a hard life to come and am now getting ingored and passed over in favor of others who were guilty of the same sin. Not only that, but those who have had abortion or fornicated while managing not to get pregnant get a free pass in society.  This is not how it is suppose to be in the church especially.  I have repented and I am trying to take care of my family as best I can while being a good example, and all people can see is my brokenness.  On top of all of this I get to observe people who chose the marriage road  working as teams, enjoying the fruits of marriage, celebrating their baby to come and struggling but together.  I get to struggle alone with my son and the rest of the world watching.  I don't get to go to sleep at night and talk to my husband about what we are going to do next.  I don't get to be held or consoled when I am in tears about how little time I actually get to spend with my toddler.  I don't get smiles and approving looks from strangers.  I get pity, if that even .  I get looked down upon by those who dodged the bullet of single parenthood.  I get shunned by the male community because they are afraid of the responsibility.  I get talked about by those who don't even stop to realize it could have been them.  I get all of this when I actually wanted to be married.  I was looking forward to the family life.  I wanted to be someone's superwoman.  Instead I got a screaming two year old, humongous college loan bills without a degree, and an invisible stamp on my forehead that says not available.  I don't normally feel this bad about it, but today was just one of those days when I felt like saying "God, I tried to do right.  Why am I being punished and forced to watch others prosper who did the same sin as me!?" I am glad that God takes care of those women and men who ventured the path of marriage, and I know that God is taking care of me too.  It just hurts to be the one going it alone sometimes.  I am tired of being ashamed that no one wants my package deal.  Oh well, life moves on and I am more than a conquerer in Christ Jesus.  I can't afford to stay sopping up these feelings.  God has greater things for me than I could ever imagine.  I just have to be patient and grateful for what God has already done for me and my family.  Sometimes it is just too easy to be angry, but I have decided to hold to God's promises for me as his daughter.  He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.  I choose to trust God's plan.

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