I thought I knew myself, but God knew better !

So the other day I was feeling kind of down because I am tired of living the single mother life.  We all know it's not going to be easy, but some days it just seems like everything is just too hard.  On top of that I was getting to see, at very close proximity, how everyone else in my family was getting help for different things from their husbands or wives to the point that I was even more sad about my situation.  The most recent event was my sister-in-law having her BEAUTIFUL  baby girl on Monday.  Their family looks so beautiful and complete.  It is wonderful to look at them except that it reminds me how my family isn't complete.  I got sad and then I got angry at my son's dad again, then I got mad at myself for being sad.  It was not a great day for me on Tuesday.  Thank God this wasn't the end of the story. On Wednesday,as I was cleaning in preparation for the baby coming home, the Lord showed me something about myself that I hadn't thought of.  God told me to be thankful that things are happening the way that they are because it caused me to be more particular about the people that I was going to let into my life.  Having my son has narrowed the field of view for me as far as husband candidates and it has eliminated people out of the picture who weren't right for me anyway.  The Lord in essence told me that I was in too much of a hurry and was on my way to a terrible mistake.  Having my son slowed me down and may have possibly saved my life.  I thought "oh well I guess that's true."  I felt a little bit better, but I still felt aweful about being envious of my brother's family and even my mother and father who have been together since they were a year younger than me.  They have been married for 24 years!  The Lord then spoke to me again. This time he showed me what was happening inside of my heart.  He showed me that the reason why I am so impatient is because I believe that he created me for someone and that he is coming.  My anticipation and excitement for what is coming has me getting frustrated that he isn't here yet.  I am eager to be in the covenant that the Lord has for me.  Why isn't he here yet!!!!!  I am tired of doing things on my own and I am anxious for the days when I won't have to anymore.  It's not that I want what other people have; I want what God has for me and it is difficult to wait. When the Lord showed me my  heart I immediately felt a little better because I do believe that I was created to be in that special covenant with a particular man of God that he created me for. I am not in dispair, but I am hopeful and anxious.  I thank God that he hasn't left me alone to wait. I have a wonderful family that loves me and helps me to keep going when I get so tired that I can't do anything but cry.   I thank God that he comforts me and gives me the reality checks that I need when I need them.  I thank God that even when I can't get to church he speaks a word of encouragement to me.  I thank God for my son and the influence he is having on my choices, and I thank God for my husband who is coming in God's perfect timing. After all haste makes mistakes.  In your face devil! I  am single and I am happy =)

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