Crying again

I am writing this contemplation with tears in my eyes.  I am crying for myself because I let go of something that I wanted so badly that I feel like a part of me went with it. Believe it or not I am relieved at this crying because there is only one other reason that I cry.  My other cry is for the broken heart of God.  I cry this cry when something has gone terribly wrong for someone else or when I have done wrong and I feel like I have hurt the heart of God.  I am very aware that God feels, and I desire so much to be close to the heart of God that I can not hurt him or see someone else that he loves huting without feeling sorrow.  When I cry for myself it is because I am pushing forward through obstacles, feeling the pressured hand of God on me, or I have lost the feeling of God's presence. All of these feelings draw me in closer to the heart of God.  They feel terrible, but they let me know that God desires something from me.  The second crying let's me know that someone went the wrong direction.  If it is me than I take a quick look at my current situation and make adjustments as quickly as possible.  I don't always catch myself right away and sometimes things get pretty bad, but it is never too late to turn around. If it looks like someone else has done wrong I pray.  I try to make myself available for consolation, and I place myself to be ready with a word from the Lord if he sees fit to give to them through me.  It is so difficult to be quiet when things are happening all around you that are so wrong and you  know that God is not pleased.  As many thoughts as I put out for the world to see, I still have many more that itch to be said.  I have to pray that the Lord put a watch over my mouth.  Life AND death are in the power of the tongue.  It is hard to see people trampling the gifts of God and speak life, but I know that this is what God wants me to do.  Oh I forgot one more cry.  It's the cry of joy.  When I see the glory of the Lord shining down on me I can't help but cry.  When I see God's love manifested in this world I cry with a smile on my face and a leap in my heart.  Those are times when I thank God for allowing me to see a hint of him in this world.  He reminds me that in this world we will have trouble, but not to fear because he has overcome the world already.  God's love is everywhere and for everyone. 

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