When God Says A Little While Longer

I normally try to be encouraging or in some way edifying, but lately I have desperately been in need of edification.  My struggles have become so great that I literally could not breathe in my house yesterday.  I had to just walk out to try to get air and pray.  My life is so inconvenient for me that people even interrupt me when I am in prayer sometimes at home.  I became so frustrated yesterday that I couldn't stand to see anyone in my family any longer.  I had to walk out.  I have been experiencing this feeling that I have been forced into a certain position in my family where all their issues overflow onto me.  I feel like the executive assistant of my family, and I am totally incapable of taking care of my own issues.  It is also an added frustration that my family is unable to help me with any of my issues.  They can't help me.  All they can do is try to encourage me which falls short because they are in so much need of me.  I feel empty and crumbled.  I told the Lord that whatever he wanted to give me I would take and whatever he wanted to take I would give up.  At this point I feel like everything is being taken out of my hands.  My plans for the next year are gone and with it some of the things that I have wanted since I was a little girl.  I always thought that if I did what was right and I tried to help other people then what I wanted would come to me.  That doesn't feel true right now.I feel like I am dying and God has forgotten about me.  Of course I know better because I know the word of God. 

 My grandfather told me that when the enemy starts to creep into our lives we fight by saying "it is written".  God said that he would never leave us nor forsake us. It is written that the Lord knows the plans that he has for me.  Plans to prosper me and not to harm me. To give me a hope and a future.  My future is not destroyed it just isn't in my hands.  He said to cast all our cares upon him for he cares for us.  I never anticipated that when God took my cares out of my hands that I would feel loss.  I talked to God when I was walking and I said Lord it hurts too much just take my life. I couldn't understand why I was in this place.  I didn't get why God wanted me to experience so much disappointment.  God said no more than "do this for me".  It was not exactly the answer that I was looking for, however, I made God a deal.  I told the Lord that I would continue in this as long as he wanted me to, but I said that he couldn't forget about me.  Lord bring me through this.  No one told me that when the Lord took my issues that it would hurt.  That surprised me in such a way that I was ready to give up my life.  I am still ready to give up my life, but in a different way today.  I am ready to give up my life for the one that God has planned for me.  I am willing to die to my plans in order to live in the plans that God has for me.  Dying is painful and stressful and unnatural, but we are all dying anyway.  I want to die having honored God and encouraged my friends.