Perfect peace, the desires of my heart, and all those things

In the word God talks to me about seeking him first and keeping my focus on him and what he wants from me.  As a young woman who believes in doing things myself if I can, it is an extremely difficult lesson to allow God to do his work without me trying to reintroduce my plans.  The Lord said that he would keep me in perfect peace, give me the desires of my heart and add all the things that I need to live to me if I just focus on him.  These are promises (covenants) that God has made and I have seen him keep his promises, but as the stakes get higher and higher (Lord where should I live, who should I work with, what do I do about my baby) I get more and more tense and eager to take control of situations in my life.  I hear that still small voice of the holy spirit reminding me to be still and know that he is God. The broken down version; calm down girl, I've got it.  Anxiety has never done anything good for me. Adrenalin works for a little while, but I always pay for it later, and decisions made in a panic are never my best.  The Bible tells me to be anxious for nothing but in everything with prayer and thanksgiving to make my requests known unto God.  So here I go.  Lord thank you for allowing me to come to you not as a stranger, but as your daughter. Thank you for allowing me to witness your love for me and my family and your patience with me.  Lord I believe that you can do anything but fail so I am asking you today HELP!!  I need you to carry me through to the other side of what seems like a never ending cycle of disappointment and rejection. What I thought would be the end of this stage of waiting has turned into a whole spin off series of stalled potential.  Lord  give me the wisdom to learn what you want me to learn so that I can move on.  I know that nothing that you allow is for my destruction, but for my instruction in you.  I want to be better and I am willing to learn.  Teach me and then deliver me Lord.  Show your glory. In Jesus name amen.  Feel free to borrow this prayer.  I am learning that my attitude affects how my prayer is answered so as I write this I am reminding myself of all the things that he has brought me through already and why I should believe that God will do it again. I have to believe if I am going to see the things that God has in store for me.  God never forgets about me just like he hasn't forgotten about you.  We are his masterpieces written for all the world to see.  I just would really like to get out of this chapter! I know God has better for me than this.  There is something about knowing that you are going to receive something that almost makes you go insane.  My students use to act horrible on special days when they were getting a treat. I couldn't understand why they would jeopardize their prize like that.  I suppose I understand now that anticipation makes you uncomfortable where you are. Right before things change in my life I feel very uncomfortable where I am.  Things seem almost unbearable for me towards the end, but I am aware that how I finish things and situations matters. I need to move, but I have no clue where I am going.  Where will I live once I leave here, and how am I going to live?  Will I be alone? How am I going to make money? These are questions that I would really like to know the answers to.  These are the questions that are driving me not quite crazy but close to it.  It is somewhat comforting to know that God isn't worried about it, but I am living this thing.  I guess while I am stuck I might as well look around to see where the wisdom is. 

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