Heartache
You know that weird achy feeling you get on your insides when something terrible happens to you or the people that you are closest to? I am feeling that ache today. I have found out one bad thing behind another this week, and it a has caused an inner exhaustion that I haven't felt since my family almost fell apart two years ago. I feel like my heart has been pulverized and tenderized with malice.
I have noticed that, in my life, hardship either hardens me or softens me. This second major attempt on my families legacy and ministry has left me feeling worse than the first time because I became more sensitive after the first blow. I believe that my having my son softened me, and the experience of a near divorce of my parents softened me even more. I don't know what this last incident has done to me yet. All that I know is that the hurt is familiar but more intense like digging into an old wound.
As a woman of faith I recognize that while my pain is real it exists to teach me something about my God view. Even as I write this I try to imagine the pain that God feels knowing everything that we have ever done or will do. Not only does he know that pain that we inflict on him but also the pain that we feel. It hurts God to see us hurting each other, and it grieves him to allow us to go through these growing pains that we choose by our actions. God doesn't enjoy our suffering, but every time it is necessary for us to be able to move forward in our life mission. If I can manage it, when I am hurting I wonder what life situation the LORD experienced that parallels mine. In this case it might be God's heartache over our sin.
One of the ministries at my church talked recently about guarding who we let in our inner circles because those people have our hearts completely. I am hurting right now because I see my family hurting, but imagine being God and loving billions upon trillions of people in almost countless generations who choose to hurt each other and reject God's wisdom and love regularly. God loves each of us beyond our ability to understand. We have God's heart. God lets everyone into his circle. This means that all of us are causing God heartache. The pain that I am feeling, although legitimate, would be a welcome guest to someone who feels for every person who ever lived. I couldn't handle it. Can you imagine the heartache that God feels every day? God doesn't even get a break because he knows the end from the beginning. All of the pain, all of the disappointment, and all the other emotions to be felt concerning us God has already felt. However God showed me that just as we cry during our favorite movies when we know the story ends well, God still grieves with us as we experience different hurts. Thank God our ending is a happy one as Christians. Because God sent Jesus Christ to wipe out our sin by his death on the cross, God can wipe out every thing that we ever did that hurt him and he doesn't have to remember it anymore. So as I get ready to go to bed I ask God to teach me and then wipe out my pain. I only want to remember the wisdom treasure that was in the rubble.
Colossians 2:1-3
For I would that ye knew what great conflict I have for you, and for them at Laodicia, and for as many as have not seen my face in the flesh; that their hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgment of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ; In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
(this is just a question that I think about sometimes and I think it fits with this writing) Does it hurt worse to know pain is coming or to be surprised?
I have noticed that, in my life, hardship either hardens me or softens me. This second major attempt on my families legacy and ministry has left me feeling worse than the first time because I became more sensitive after the first blow. I believe that my having my son softened me, and the experience of a near divorce of my parents softened me even more. I don't know what this last incident has done to me yet. All that I know is that the hurt is familiar but more intense like digging into an old wound.
As a woman of faith I recognize that while my pain is real it exists to teach me something about my God view. Even as I write this I try to imagine the pain that God feels knowing everything that we have ever done or will do. Not only does he know that pain that we inflict on him but also the pain that we feel. It hurts God to see us hurting each other, and it grieves him to allow us to go through these growing pains that we choose by our actions. God doesn't enjoy our suffering, but every time it is necessary for us to be able to move forward in our life mission. If I can manage it, when I am hurting I wonder what life situation the LORD experienced that parallels mine. In this case it might be God's heartache over our sin.
One of the ministries at my church talked recently about guarding who we let in our inner circles because those people have our hearts completely. I am hurting right now because I see my family hurting, but imagine being God and loving billions upon trillions of people in almost countless generations who choose to hurt each other and reject God's wisdom and love regularly. God loves each of us beyond our ability to understand. We have God's heart. God lets everyone into his circle. This means that all of us are causing God heartache. The pain that I am feeling, although legitimate, would be a welcome guest to someone who feels for every person who ever lived. I couldn't handle it. Can you imagine the heartache that God feels every day? God doesn't even get a break because he knows the end from the beginning. All of the pain, all of the disappointment, and all the other emotions to be felt concerning us God has already felt. However God showed me that just as we cry during our favorite movies when we know the story ends well, God still grieves with us as we experience different hurts. Thank God our ending is a happy one as Christians. Because God sent Jesus Christ to wipe out our sin by his death on the cross, God can wipe out every thing that we ever did that hurt him and he doesn't have to remember it anymore. So as I get ready to go to bed I ask God to teach me and then wipe out my pain. I only want to remember the wisdom treasure that was in the rubble.
Colossians 2:1-3
For I would that ye knew what great conflict I have for you, and for them at Laodicia, and for as many as have not seen my face in the flesh; that their hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgment of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ; In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
(this is just a question that I think about sometimes and I think it fits with this writing) Does it hurt worse to know pain is coming or to be surprised?
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