Singleness ...

I decided a while ago to not complain about being single.  I have a wonderful family that supports me and helps me with my son.  I have a wonderful church family that values me and loves my son and I like they've known us forever.  I even have school friends that are praying for me and I feel it.  There are times like today, however, that really push me.  Everyone in my family got upset and everyone had someone to speak with that was in their struggle with them but me.  Who do I speak to when I am hurting or don't understand something or angry?  I don't have anyone to talk to that won't walk away from me.  This is why singleness brings people to their knees.  I can only talk to God.  There is no one else for me.  As much as I love my parents and my siblings there are certain things that I can't talk to them about.  There are certain things that they won't get no matter how I try to help them understand.  None of them are living my life.  None of them are in my struggle, and none of them can understand what I am going through.  They are not bound to me in that way.  Their lives are separate from mine.  We don't share one life.  My journey is my own, so it's just me and God.  I cry alone, I sometimes laugh alone, and worst of all I have moments when I know it's just me like today.  I thank God that he is always with me, but it's just me and God.  Some days I love it, but today just isn't one of those days.  Singleness is a hard blessing today because I am reminded to talk to God because I have no one else to talk to.  This blog is me talking to myself in a way for others to relate, but this really isn't a conversation.  I write because I know that God is faithful and one day I will look back at this post and praise God for his faithfulness.  Don't get me wrong God is faithful every day including today.  It is hard to feel that way when I am hurting, but God is good.  He won't ever leave me and he knows my situation more than any other person ever will.  It just would be nice to not be sitting here crying alone.   

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