Acquaintance, Friend, Partner,or Spouse... Where Do You Stand With Your Counterpart?
Okay so this is the range of positive titles that I place on the people in my life, but today I was thinking about the guys. So many of us don't know where we stand with our male counterparts, but I separate these levels of relationship by only two things.
1. Time: This isn't in reference to how long I've known a person, but how much time I spend with that person now. The more time I spend, the more likely they are to be higher on the relational scale. I have experienced that if someone is suppose to be high on the scale but doesn't get the time for the title, they will eventually get upset and downgrade you in their lives. For example if you have a spouse and you don't spend much time with them at all, they will probably downgrade you to partner and you'll find yourselves sharing money, food, and housing. You are unofficially downgraded to roommates. (not a good sign). On the other hand, if you are investing more time in an acquaintance, you will probably get upgraded to friend. The door swings both ways.
2. Affection: This refers to greetings, grooming, physical shows of emotion, and play. This one can mess a lot of people up because of discrepencies between their desired relational status and their actual one. To make things simple I simply decided to treat all men like fathers or brothers. This insures a healthy boundary for me to operate in any of my daily situations. I need it because I like to get close to people, and I need a way to get close but not hit the danger zone. I have two brothers and several male cousins that I hug and laugh with. It gives me a pretty good scale of how I will treat men in my business and at the church. There is no mistaking a touch or conversation there. As with any of my family, it takes listening and learning to get it right because each person has their own level of comfort. I know some people that I can't stand being hugged. We show affection with high fives and affectionate words. This spirit is the same though. I treat them like family because in the larger scheme of things that's what we all are. The only exception for me would be a spouse which I would treat as an extension of myself.
If you haven't caught on by now, it is time that increases the level of affection informing the level of relationship. Here is how it goes.
If you have a male friend that you see every day and you are being affectionate with him every day, he might be more inclined to think you are partners (special friend). This doesn't necessarily mean a romantic relationship, but it does mean covenant of some sort. If you mean more than the best of friends a conversation needs to happen. At this point, if you both agree that you want to move toward the romantic you must be careful. The difference here in my opinion should be time not so much affection. Remember we need to stay where we are in the relationship scale and not act like where we want to be. If you aren't married, then don't act married!!!
Also, you may notice that I can not have the top level of relationship without having mastered the other areas. So in my mind and heart a spouse in an acquaintance, friend, partner, and lover. This is working for me, and maybe it will work for you too.
Let's put some word on it.
1. Time: This isn't in reference to how long I've known a person, but how much time I spend with that person now. The more time I spend, the more likely they are to be higher on the relational scale. I have experienced that if someone is suppose to be high on the scale but doesn't get the time for the title, they will eventually get upset and downgrade you in their lives. For example if you have a spouse and you don't spend much time with them at all, they will probably downgrade you to partner and you'll find yourselves sharing money, food, and housing. You are unofficially downgraded to roommates. (not a good sign). On the other hand, if you are investing more time in an acquaintance, you will probably get upgraded to friend. The door swings both ways.
2. Affection: This refers to greetings, grooming, physical shows of emotion, and play. This one can mess a lot of people up because of discrepencies between their desired relational status and their actual one. To make things simple I simply decided to treat all men like fathers or brothers. This insures a healthy boundary for me to operate in any of my daily situations. I need it because I like to get close to people, and I need a way to get close but not hit the danger zone. I have two brothers and several male cousins that I hug and laugh with. It gives me a pretty good scale of how I will treat men in my business and at the church. There is no mistaking a touch or conversation there. As with any of my family, it takes listening and learning to get it right because each person has their own level of comfort. I know some people that I can't stand being hugged. We show affection with high fives and affectionate words. This spirit is the same though. I treat them like family because in the larger scheme of things that's what we all are. The only exception for me would be a spouse which I would treat as an extension of myself.
If you haven't caught on by now, it is time that increases the level of affection informing the level of relationship. Here is how it goes.
If you have a male friend that you see every day and you are being affectionate with him every day, he might be more inclined to think you are partners (special friend). This doesn't necessarily mean a romantic relationship, but it does mean covenant of some sort. If you mean more than the best of friends a conversation needs to happen. At this point, if you both agree that you want to move toward the romantic you must be careful. The difference here in my opinion should be time not so much affection. Remember we need to stay where we are in the relationship scale and not act like where we want to be. If you aren't married, then don't act married!!!
Also, you may notice that I can not have the top level of relationship without having mastered the other areas. So in my mind and heart a spouse in an acquaintance, friend, partner, and lover. This is working for me, and maybe it will work for you too.
Let's put some word on it.
Psalm 55:12-14 King James Version (KJV)
12 For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him:13 But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.14 We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.
John 15:15 King James Version (KJV)
15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.
Romans 12:10 King James Version (KJV)
Romans 12:10 King James Version (KJV)
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
Philemon 1:16-18 King James Version (KJV)
16 Not now as a servant, but above a servant, a brother beloved, specially to me, but how much more unto thee, both in the flesh, and in the Lord?
17 If thou count me therefore a partner, receive him as myself.
18 If he hath wronged thee, or oweth thee ought, put that on mine account;
17 If thou count me therefore a partner, receive him as myself.
18 If he hath wronged thee, or oweth thee ought, put that on mine account;
Song of Solomon 4:10-12 King James Version (KJV)
10 How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices!
11 Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon.
12 A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed.
11 Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon.
12 A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed.
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