I Want to Love God, but I Don't

I was contemplating what I call "love" for God yesterday and began to question if I loved God at all.  The Bible says that if we love him we would keep his commandments.  All of us have failed at that already, and if we were honest with ourselves and him then we would have to admit that we still fail at doing what God says when he says it still.  Did God mean that we love him if we obey him some of the time? My understanding of the character of God would cause me to say no.  God says what God means, if God meant that we loved him if we obeyed him sometimes, he would have said that.

My spirit was grieved that by definition I don't love God.  I was devestated at the idea that every time that I have said that I loved him I was lying to myself.  Praise be to God that our relationship isn't based on my broken love, but his perfect love.  God knew from the beginning that I would fail in my love and chose me anyway. As a parent I know the devestation of having a child choose to disobey me. It hurts and it causes me sometimes to question if my little boy even cares that he's hurting me by choosing to ignore me. I love him anyway though and try to guide him to the truth. God is this how you feel about me?  Sometimes I get totally mystified at the love that the father has for me, and I have to remind myself that I am not disqualified because God has set no requirements for his love. 

There is another truth here, and that is that I want to love God.  So in my new found truth I tell God, "I want to love you and I'm going to try to love you, but Lord when I fail could you love yourself through me instead so I can see what it looks like?"  Lord teach us how to love you and teach us how to accept  your love for us. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

5 things that could keep you from getting so angry

So I find that there are certain things that when done make for a much better day than when I don't do them.  As a single mom sometimes it gets hard to do these and then everything seems to be a bigger ordeal for me. Lord help me to do better with that.  I would tell you don't judge me, but I know you are going to do it anyway so I will say please be gracious toward me.  1.  Start the snowball of positive thinking : For me this means prayers of thanks, reading my Bible, listening to positive music, writing a letter to God or to myself, even watching some Veggie Tales (what do you know about those Veggies?)  with my son sometimes.   The reality is there is enough negative that comes at me; why would I invite anything other than a flood of positive truth into my mind and my life? This is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it...or else!!!  haha just kidding (sort of) 2.  Wash up!: Remember when I said be gracious?...
Read more

Mr. Sandman Where are you?

I was told that by 6 months old or so my son should be effectively sleeping through the night. Well, Tomorrow is his first birthday and he has already woken up twice...make that three times because he woke up while I was writing this! I really miss sleeping and I want my little one to get sleep too. He wakes up every two or three hours to nurse. I try to get him to go back to sleep, but a baby who is standing up and pulling on the side of his crib isn't going back to sleep easily. I sing, swing, shush , and attempt to swaddle, but he won't have any of it. Sometimes I let him cry his way back to sleep, but it only last for about a half hour before he reawakens more determined than before. The screaming wears on my nerves and the lack of sleep is wearing on my days. Some days I think "This is it. This is my life now. I will never feel rested again, and I will never be fully alert again." I expected to lose sleep when I found out I was pregnant. I expected to be tired, b...
Read more

I have a dream

I used to dream all the time that I was witnessing to people.  People would ask me questions and I would begin to speak about the goodness of the Lord, and how Jesus was the solution to all of their problems or desires.  I feel anointed to be having those dreams again.  Maybe someone needs these words.  I talk about my journey of faith, but maybe you haven't begun that journey yet so let me tell you about Jesus.  Jesus is the Christ, the savior of the world, the messiah, the only begotten son of God.  Jesus is God in humanity. He came down to earth, lived a human life, did miraculous things to show people who he was and how much he loved them.  Jesus felt every human emotion that any of us have ever felt. Jesus taught us how to live as people of God.  Then he died so that we wouldn't have to be separated from him anymore.   You see sin separates us from God because he is holy.  We all have sinned therefore we all should be separated fro...
Read more