Married young ma...and other updates
Happy Columbus Day! It has been soooo long since I wrote anything, and I felt it was about time that I began writing again. I have been blessed to be allowed to get married this summer, and so my journey of faith has taken a turn. Along with this change I have an undeserved blessing on the way in the form of a baby boy. God's yes is never ambiguous. I had begun to think that I wouldn't be able to have any more children. While I was making my peace with being a mother of one, God chose differently.
As I cry tears of joy (and a little sorrow) at each little movement of my son, I can't help but reflect on the first time I became a mother. I was young, in college, single, and six hours away from my family with no car or license. When I think about how I made it through that situation, I can do nothing less than recognize the hand of God on my life. I got everything that I needed without asking for anything. I finished my year of schooling, and I had a healthy baby boy. When I left for the hospital to have my baby, my home had been without electricity because we couldn't afford to pay. By a miracle, I was able to come home to a home with electricity. Praise God! I cried through that pregnancy, but I also prayed and knew that God was with me all the way. God's grace and his mercy truly followed me.
I find that pain, shame, disappointment, and devastation either causes people to pull in to God or pull away. James 4:8 says to "draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded." This is a call to set aside everything that blocks me or hinders me in any way from approaching God. I started this blog after I had my son as a way to process my struggles and to approach God.
This time around I am a relatively young, newlywed, PTA mom, ministry leader, and humbled woman. This time I am not alone, and it is both a blessing and a struggle. I have had to adjust my devotional time, because I now have to include husband time, and son time. I had to step out of my ministry at the church for the year until after the baby which was devastating to me until I realized that I was given time to reflect and sit at my savior's feet. If God wills, I will be able to go back into ministry next summer. I am grateful for this new experience, but it is not easy. My newlywed story is for another time, but I will say that I have hit an all new learning curve and I am once again pulling in to God (I think that is one of the purposes of marriage. God is clever like that).
To all my single young mama's (and by young I mean younger than 100 million years old) you are never alone. I am so grateful when I think about how I felt the love of God all through my life. God actually hugged me, kissed me, and carried me as I fumbled my way through my singleness. There is nothing like it, even in marriage. don't begrudge the fact that God is keeping you to himself for a bit. God is the best husband any of us will ever have. I married my sons' father (the one that I met at 15), and I am so grateful to have him. That being said, he is NOT GOD. I am grateful for my husband, but I still crave that closeness that I cultivated with the Lord when I was single. If I let God be God to me, then it's okay that my husband isn't my everything. It's when I have neglected my God that my husband's flaws (and my own) become almost unbearable. I am grateful that I didn't get married sooner. I needed every second of my singleness. Thank you for going on this journey with me, but the journey isn't done. My journey of faith continues until I reach my ultimate goal which is eternal fellowship with the lover of my soul, God.
As I cry tears of joy (and a little sorrow) at each little movement of my son, I can't help but reflect on the first time I became a mother. I was young, in college, single, and six hours away from my family with no car or license. When I think about how I made it through that situation, I can do nothing less than recognize the hand of God on my life. I got everything that I needed without asking for anything. I finished my year of schooling, and I had a healthy baby boy. When I left for the hospital to have my baby, my home had been without electricity because we couldn't afford to pay. By a miracle, I was able to come home to a home with electricity. Praise God! I cried through that pregnancy, but I also prayed and knew that God was with me all the way. God's grace and his mercy truly followed me.
I find that pain, shame, disappointment, and devastation either causes people to pull in to God or pull away. James 4:8 says to "draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded." This is a call to set aside everything that blocks me or hinders me in any way from approaching God. I started this blog after I had my son as a way to process my struggles and to approach God.
This time around I am a relatively young, newlywed, PTA mom, ministry leader, and humbled woman. This time I am not alone, and it is both a blessing and a struggle. I have had to adjust my devotional time, because I now have to include husband time, and son time. I had to step out of my ministry at the church for the year until after the baby which was devastating to me until I realized that I was given time to reflect and sit at my savior's feet. If God wills, I will be able to go back into ministry next summer. I am grateful for this new experience, but it is not easy. My newlywed story is for another time, but I will say that I have hit an all new learning curve and I am once again pulling in to God (I think that is one of the purposes of marriage. God is clever like that).
To all my single young mama's (and by young I mean younger than 100 million years old) you are never alone. I am so grateful when I think about how I felt the love of God all through my life. God actually hugged me, kissed me, and carried me as I fumbled my way through my singleness. There is nothing like it, even in marriage. don't begrudge the fact that God is keeping you to himself for a bit. God is the best husband any of us will ever have. I married my sons' father (the one that I met at 15), and I am so grateful to have him. That being said, he is NOT GOD. I am grateful for my husband, but I still crave that closeness that I cultivated with the Lord when I was single. If I let God be God to me, then it's okay that my husband isn't my everything. It's when I have neglected my God that my husband's flaws (and my own) become almost unbearable. I am grateful that I didn't get married sooner. I needed every second of my singleness. Thank you for going on this journey with me, but the journey isn't done. My journey of faith continues until I reach my ultimate goal which is eternal fellowship with the lover of my soul, God.
Comments
Post a Comment