Empty

In my cultural context the word empty is seen as very negative.  Others words for empty could include: lacking, worthless, hollow, powerless, or drained.   Because we are all born into brokenness, empty happens at some point in all of our lives.  I am really feeling that as I think about the loss of my latest pregnancy (the first one since I've been married).  I feel physical lack  because my baby is gone. I feel mentally drained from trying to rationalize why this happened.  I feel hollowed out in my emotions, shock has rendered me almost catatonic.  I feel powerless to have stopped it, and I am fighting the feeling of worthlessness as a woman.  If I am being honest I feel completely depleted, empty.  This year has actually been very trying on my body with months of doctors guessing what's wrong with me, good nurses making painful mistakes that costed me weeks of recovery, and now this.  I feel so empty, and I wonder if this is similar to what Paul was talking about when he said he's learned how to be hungry.  Thank God for Philippians where Paul addresses the fact that life happens.  His response is that he's learned in whatever state he finds himself in to be content.  How can he be content with hunger, humiliation, and lack, how can I? Here is what the scripture says:

11Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 12I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Philippians 4:11-13

When my cup is empty and I am out of strength to even lift it, I can call my daddy, GOD, and he gives me his strength so that I can continue in my purpose.  When I have run out of myself, God gets to show off in me, to me, and through me.  I can feel God doing this in me even as I write.  He has heard my broken heart and seen my exhaustion with life.  His word instructs me that just like Paul, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Phil 4:13.  I am cared for and I am covered.  It hurts but I serve a God that can restore everything that I have lost.  So today I still say that God is good and I worship him.  Right now with the heating pad on my pelvis to ease the pain I say yes to God's plan for my family, and I trust that my baby is with the LORD.  Even now when I am missing an entire week of work to recover, I thank him for restoration and provision.  Though he slays me yet will I trust in HIM (see Job 13:15). 

Lord I wait in anticipation of your glorification in this place.  Through I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me. I will give you glory right here and now because you work everything out for the good of those that love you and you are faithful to your promises.  I don't deserve to see your glory, but you have given me a front row seat to what you are doing.  This seat has cost me a heavy price but not nearly as much as it cost Jesus.  I thank you that you don't waste my pain but only allow enough to grow, strengthen, and sanctify me.  Thank you for not leaving me in this broken place but being here with me and bringing me out.  Bless your holy name.  Lord for those who feel anything like what I am feeling, Lord comfort and assure them of your loving plan for them and those important to them.  Give us all strength to hold fast until you come. In Jesus name, Amen.