Merciful Judge

I am coming out of a rough first couple of weeks in my new year. After pushing through illness for several weeks siting work and family responsibilities as an excuse for poor self-care, I finally went to the doctor.  I had felt all kinds of awful but figured that maybe some of it was just in my head, until I heard my doctor look in my mouth and say, "you've been sick for a while now huh?"  I got some medication to help with my swollen glands, and since the laundry list of side effects were things that I was already experiencing, I started popping the pills as prescribed fretting and praying that I didn't have to miss any more work.   This was not the way that I planned to start this benchmark year, but all things work together for the good of those that love God.  I stayed home for a couple of days and used that time to work on what God put on my heart a while ago.  I eventually stopped whining about the work that I was missing and the housework that wasn't getting done and just spent time with my Bible, my journal, and my computer.  Through this time, I realized that I had developed an unhealthy relationship with my job.  I didn't take the time that I needed when I needed it because I was afraid of being considered unreliable at my job.  I was working while sick and miserable because I felt like I was bringing the image of my organization down by cancelling programs.  I thank God that in my self pitiful and ragged state he saw fit to hold my hand and make me to lie down beside still waters.  (see Psalm 23:2-3)

I believe God is a healer and not just of the body.  He heals mentalities and relationships.  Many of the stories in the old and new testament are evidence of this, and I thank God that I can see that same loving hand of God working on my behalf even as I write.  I don't know if God caused my sickness, but I know that he has allowed it and therefore by the declaration of God's word it has to be working for my good. (Romans 8:28)

Being sick has slowed me down and caused me to question my priorities and motives. I questioned my view of myself in every area of my life where I hold a title, and I have found that my view is skewed.  I had sick time but wouldn't take it because I didn't want to seem unreliable.  I was at work one day and had to rush to the bathroom to get sick.  When I came out, I was rationalizing why I should still stay at work!  Just then I believe Holy Spirit began to show me my unhealthy relationship with my job.  He exposed a weakness that I could no longer ignore, and with the wound exposed I now have the privilege of watching God place his healing hand on that broken part of me that has been seeking the approval of society. (see 2 Corinthians 12:9)

Anything and/or anyone who we have appropriated too much value to in our lives is an idol.  For me sometimes it has been people, places, things, shows, games, and even food.  Whatever /whoever you are living for, that is what /who you worship.  The only way to be set free from the bondage of these things /people is to lay the full weight of them at the feet of Jesus and let him reveal to you its true value and purpose in your life. (see Mathew 11:28)

 I lost my balance, and that means that I have to weigh everything in my life again on God's scale (See Proverbs 11:1-3) rather than my own.  I thank God that he is a merciful judge.  He tells the truth of my predicaments and then supplies the solution rather than putting a negative label on me and throwing me away.  I may have a sickness, but I am not the sickness.  I may be guilty of sin, but I am not the sin.  By the way, idolatry is warned against as one of the big 10 when it comes to sin, and when I think about it, idolatry is the result of placing more of my trust and admiration (aka faith) in anything/anyone other than God. (see Deuteronomy 5:7-9)

My encouragement to anyone going through life while feeling the grinding of life's teeth on you; have faith in God.  Don't start relying on anything in this world to take care of you.  Know that everything good and perfect in your life is from God, and if it were to all go wrong today God would take care of you another way.  The Lord is our shepherd and he is always going to take good care of us.  He knows us and he knows our needs better than we do.  He knows our short comings and he knows the plans that he has for us.  He knows what it is going to take to mold us into our best selves and we are precious clay in the potter's hands.  When you feel the pressure of God's loving but firm hand on you, yield.  Trust that he working a good work in you, and when you are tempted to elevate what God has allowed in your life as a stepping stone into a monument, stop and allow God to restore a just weight on everything in your life.  (Philippians 1:6)