Journal of Faith: Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling Philippians 2:12

I was contemplating what I call "love" for God yesterday and began to question if I loved God at all.  The Bible says that if we love him we would keep his commandments.  All of us have failed at that already, and if we were honest with ourselves and him then we would have to admit that we still fail at doing what God says when he says it still.  Did God mean that we love him if we obey him some of the time? My understanding of the character of God would cause me to say no.  God says what God means, if God meant that we loved him if we obeyed him sometimes, he would have said that. My spirit was grieved that by definition I don't love God.  I was devestated at the idea that every time that I have said that I loved him I was lying to myself.  Praise be to God that our relationship isn't based on my broken love, but his perfect love.  God knew from the beginning that I would fail in my love and chose me anyway. As a parent I know the devestat...

I am a pretty tough piece of work sometimes.  I argue with God and cry over spilled milk.  I pout and sneer when life doesn't look the way I want it to, but when those moments are over I realize that the hand of the most wonderful creator is God.  God is an artist creating beautiful works of our lives in order to show his love and glory in the earth.  Who am I to question what God has spoken over me or written in my epistle.  My life was meant to be a love letter from God to the world, and especially to me. It amazes me how often I  find myself spiritually and emotionally in better shape when my life is falling apart then when everything seems livable.  I have two guesses at why.  I think that when I pull together substandard opportunities for myself and manage to eek by with them I get stuck in a place that is better than where I was but nowhere near where I belong.  Being out of purpose is not only boring and wasteful, but it is detrement...

LONLINESS Something almost all single and stay at home parents can relate to is loneliness. For me the loneliness usually becomes the strongest around dinner time and continues through the evening. It's amazing how the dynamic changes when another adult is present. Many times I have found myself very hungry for adult companionship. I have cried out to God about this countless times. I have asked Him to take away the loneliness and to send people into my life. I have beat myself up for wanting others as badly as I do and I have grieved over a lost marriage. I have cried, been angry, grumpy, and impatient. I have made lots of phone calls and sat in the quietness. I don't like the loneliness, I really don't! Sometimes it feels like a heavy blanket weighing on my shoulders. The thing is that these intense feelings serve a positive purpose in my life. The loneliness and craving for companionship lead me closer to God. The discomfort serves as a catalyst in my relationship...

The last couple days have been one disappointment after another.  It seemed like everywhere I went the answer was "no".  School was a no, relationship situations were a no, shopping was no, and my attitude was starting to become a no-no!  I just layed in my floor feeling sorry for myself after ministering at the church (yes I still did my ministry with all that was within me and the Lord showed out even in my weak state).  I received some great encouragement in song, and I got up and started to rethink everything.  I wondered what was I doing differently to get such negative responses in my life.  Well this morning I got my answers.  First off I was stinging on my God time, and therefore ALL of my relationships began to suffer. The Lord stopped me to show me the spiritual side of my physical situations by causing me to go into work an hour early! (I wasn't upset because I know it was God's doing and it was marvelous in my eyes)...

I was in tears last week when I got home from work.  They were tears of joy and praise to God because I made it driving 30 minutes on the highway with less than an 8th of a tank of gas.  I had no choice because I had no cash and I had no other way to get home.  I prayed and said "Lord I have no choice but to roll."  I literally saw my gas tank move up several times throughout the drive.  When I saw my exit I started crying and praising God.  If you were to see me from another car you would have thought I was crazy.  I was yelling thank you Jesus and Halleluiah all the way.  Tears were flowing and I was slapping my steering wheel while trying not to get in an accident from shouting.  I was really scared and I had no one to call but Jesus, but that is no problem because Jesus is enough.  This may seem like a little thing to some of you, but it meant the world to me.  I had no other way to get to my son, and I had no other way to get t...

Check it out folks.  I was at work yesterday and a woman approached me and told me that the devil tried to kill her and her son in a car accident.  They hit a wall three times because each time it hit the car spun around and hit again.  All she said she could think of was what her pastor had just said in the event they were coming from.  He talked about how people were being saved and the enemy didn't like it.  He went on to say that the devil was going to try to take some people out, but that God is faithful.  Scary stuff huh?  Not for me!  Because the only one that can decide who lives and who dies is God.  The only authority to take life is the one who gives it.  This woman told her son to just call on Jesus and they are BOTH alive today even though according to the nature of the accident they should not have survived.  She told me that she remembered her pastor talking about what Satan meant for evil working for the good of God'...

God has blessed me so much this summer.  I was able to get a car, a new job,  growth in my business, and new relationships.  When things like this happen I have to check myself.  I have a tendency to say thank you to God and then to say "I'll take over from here."  That never serves me well.  I don't suffer from ungratefulness, but I do tend to suffer from controlling behavior.  I like to regulate things in my life, but that isn't where God wants me to be.  It get really hard not to trust in my own understanding, but this is what God wants from me.  It is what God has requested of all of us. Pray for me.  The hardest place for me to be is in the blessed place, and I am there now.  Thank God for this blessed place, but it is causing me to check myself every day.  The reality is that I can't do anything without God.  Lord let my ears, heart, mind, and spirit be open to your voice and instruction.  Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust...